Whatever You Believe, You're Right

I wrote this poem to offer words of encouragement to myself and hopefully, to you as well.

Whatever You Believe, You're Right


Anything and everything is possible for the person who believes
Yet, everything and anything is impossible for the person who believes not
If you believe you are the best, then you are
But equally so, if doubt is claimed and defeat is accepted
Then so it is

Life brings to you what you ask for and what you believe
So why not ask for great things and have belief in the impossible
The man who is defeated by his own thoughts, needs no enemies
And the man who is empowered by his, needs no fans

Whatever you believe that you will have, do, be, or see
You can bring it to pass
For thought, creates action and action creates life
There is no life without action and no action void of thought

Life brings to you, what you ask for, plan for and seek out
It does not surprise you with things that are so far out of the realm of your conscientiousness
And so when your prayer has been answered, your dreams have come to fruition
and your thoughts are made manifest
Remember, before it ever took its' first birth, it lived first, inside of you

written by Terre L. Holmes 8.31.10

The Tapestry of Life

Life is merely a series of experiences; a combination of those we choose to create for ourselves and the ones we allow others to design for us. At 36, I thought I would be in a different space. As for experiences, I often imagined I'd be well established in my career by now, traveling on a regular basis around the world and married with children, but if you asked me anything, I thought I knew the latter for sure. Though, as it turns out, I was wrong. Yet today, I don't choose to harp on what I don't have, but rather, what I do.

What I have are friends and family who support me in unmeasurable ways. I have a great job, teaching at a school that is well on its' way to becoming top in the nation. I have a high level of respect for my supervisors and I also have colleagues whom I admire and who inspire me to be a better person inside and outside of the classroom. They are smart, capable and full of passion for the children we serve and the work that we do. As well, I live in a city that is one of the most visited places in the US. There's never a shortage of things to do and we boast a skyline that is simply unbelievable! In a nut shell, I have everything I need and so much more.

So, why would a person who seemingly has everything, leave it all, sell most of her worldly possessions and pack up the rest, to venture off to a place like Abu Dhabi? It's simple, my life lacked luster. It was seasonless and most days were like putting regular old salt and pepper on everything and expecting to get the flavors found in your favorite African stew or Spanish empanada. I needed an experience that would shake up my world and challenge me to think differently, see the world through a new lens, and push me to expand beyond my own limitations.

A young man asked me the other day, "are you going there to find yourself?" and my answer was an emphatic, "no". I have found the best parts of myself in places like New York City, where I lived for 5 years, pursuing my dream to become an actress, attempting to live my life like the book I'd like to read; in places like Cleveland, where I fell in love and experienced intimacy on levels that no amount of words could describe; in places like Chicago, where I cried for Derrion Alberts and felt compassion and concern for children who were nameless to me and voiceless to others; children who travel daily through streets, infested with gangs and gun violence, to be able to sit in classrooms and feel safe and vulnerable and respected as human beings. I told him, "I found myself a long time ago". Now, I am on a journey to see what this self is made of.

A husband did not come, nor did children and for many years, I secretly waited for them both; thinking that if I made a move like this, they would never find me. How silly I was to think that God couldn't answer prayers in Chicago, Illinois, just as he could in Paris, France or even, Abu Dhabi. I was waiting to live, thinking that staying put made me seem more stable, more suitable for a mate and all the while I was becoming bored and discontent with this thing I called, "my life".  Thinking that there had to be more to it; more to see, more to do, more to write about.

I was talking to a friend today and I said to him that I probably wouldn't return home (to the States) after my two year commitment ended in Abu Dhabi and he replied, "home is where you live". Wiser words could not have been spoken. All these years I have allowed guilt, fear, other peoples' opinions of me, limitations and so much more to prevent me from moving forward in my destiny. I recalled the time that I sent for a pamphlet to work on a cruise ship, but allowed fear to immobilize me. I also remember living in New York in 2001 and secretly looking for jobs in Paris, while all the while thinking that I had to be crazy! I remember just this past January telling my girlfriend that I was thinking of volunteering abroad during my summer vacation next year. Unbeknownst to many, including myself, the seed was planted a long time ago, but I refused to water it; I guess, I was too afraid that it would blossom into everything I imagined it could be.

I have now released the idea of a husband and children and have begun to realize that life is full of experiences. A husband and children are an experience that many of my friends have, but the ability to pack it all up, move to a different country and decide to do this without having to convince someone else that it's a great decision for "us", is an experience that is uniquely mine. Sure, I would have liked to have shared this experience with a special someone, but that's not my story. My story is simple, I am on a journey to share the best parts of myself with the children and people of the UAE, only to return to the states to share new parts of myself with my family, friends and students.

I once heard someone say, "would you rather have experiences or things"? If you asked me at some other time in my life, my answer would have been,"things", but over time, I have realized that experiences last longer than shoes from Macys or a new hair cut from Aveda or even a pricey pair of jeans. Experiences are the threads that help build the tapestry of a life. Therefore, I don't choose to dwell on the things I don't have, but I look forward to the opportunities that lie ahead of me, while being ever so grateful for those that are behind me.

I've Been Bitten

When I was a little girl, I traveled often with my grandparents. I don't remember, but they say my first plane ride was at the age of 2. Grandma and Granddad didn't take me far, but they took me often. Every summer, I had some adventure to look forward to. Most summers we would visit family in nearby Youngstown, Ohio, where both sisters of my grandparent's lived, or, we'd drive a few hours to Rochester, New York to visit my grandmothers' niece and her family. Her children were many years older than I and in fact, two out of the three were well on their way to college by the time we started visiting, but I loved being the youngest or even the only child in the house. It made me feel special.

It was in Rochester that I saw my first deer, standing majestically outside of my cousins' kitchen window. It was in Rochester that I saw the movie, Aliens and ET. It was also just outside of Rochester, where I saw the late Luther Vandross perform in concert. Rochester held dear memories for me, but so did many other places, like Boston.

Boston is the place I enjoyed the most. I loved everything that Boston was and everything that it wasn't. Very unlike my hometown, Cleveland, Boston had diversity, or at least, it appeared that way to my naive eyes. Boston had culture, coupled with old money. It had trolly cars that rode down the middle of the street, with passengers who exited right outside the passenger door of your car. Back then, Boston had ten cent train rides, more seafood than a little girl like me could ever eat and Cape Cod, the place that we visited, which made me fall in love with quaint towns, antique shops and once again, old money.

Most times we would fly to Boston, but one summer, my grandmother and I drove instead. As we drove through China Town, I remember thinking just how amazing it was. There were dried pigs hanging from store windows, street signs written in unfamiliar chinese letters, tons of cars and of course, the obvious, lots of Chinese people! I was blown away by what I saw and I desired to see more. Not just more of Boston, but more of everything that Boston represented to my young eyes at the time; culture, diversity and influence.

Over the course of my childhood and teenage years, I visited over twenty states, as well as Canada. That's a big deal for a young girl who grew up on welfare on the east side of Cleveland, Ohio, with a mother who's never stepped foot on a plane. I loved visiting new places and seeing what they had to offer. I would eventually move to New York City in 1996, fresh out of college and then to Chicago, Illinois in 2004. My love for travel and diversity is owed to my grandparents, who, unbeknownst to them, exposed me to a traveling bug and sent me on a life journey to explore the people, the places and the culture of those very much unlike me and so, as I write this, the next stop on my life map will be, Abu Dhabi to teach English abroad. I don't know what I'll find there, but I'm sure that whatever it is, will give me plenty to write home about.