The Tapestry of Life

Life is merely a series of experiences; a combination of those we choose to create for ourselves and the ones we allow others to design for us. At 36, I thought I would be in a different space. As for experiences, I often imagined I'd be well established in my career by now, traveling on a regular basis around the world and married with children, but if you asked me anything, I thought I knew the latter for sure. Though, as it turns out, I was wrong. Yet today, I don't choose to harp on what I don't have, but rather, what I do.

What I have are friends and family who support me in unmeasurable ways. I have a great job, teaching at a school that is well on its' way to becoming top in the nation. I have a high level of respect for my supervisors and I also have colleagues whom I admire and who inspire me to be a better person inside and outside of the classroom. They are smart, capable and full of passion for the children we serve and the work that we do. As well, I live in a city that is one of the most visited places in the US. There's never a shortage of things to do and we boast a skyline that is simply unbelievable! In a nut shell, I have everything I need and so much more.

So, why would a person who seemingly has everything, leave it all, sell most of her worldly possessions and pack up the rest, to venture off to a place like Abu Dhabi? It's simple, my life lacked luster. It was seasonless and most days were like putting regular old salt and pepper on everything and expecting to get the flavors found in your favorite African stew or Spanish empanada. I needed an experience that would shake up my world and challenge me to think differently, see the world through a new lens, and push me to expand beyond my own limitations.

A young man asked me the other day, "are you going there to find yourself?" and my answer was an emphatic, "no". I have found the best parts of myself in places like New York City, where I lived for 5 years, pursuing my dream to become an actress, attempting to live my life like the book I'd like to read; in places like Cleveland, where I fell in love and experienced intimacy on levels that no amount of words could describe; in places like Chicago, where I cried for Derrion Alberts and felt compassion and concern for children who were nameless to me and voiceless to others; children who travel daily through streets, infested with gangs and gun violence, to be able to sit in classrooms and feel safe and vulnerable and respected as human beings. I told him, "I found myself a long time ago". Now, I am on a journey to see what this self is made of.

A husband did not come, nor did children and for many years, I secretly waited for them both; thinking that if I made a move like this, they would never find me. How silly I was to think that God couldn't answer prayers in Chicago, Illinois, just as he could in Paris, France or even, Abu Dhabi. I was waiting to live, thinking that staying put made me seem more stable, more suitable for a mate and all the while I was becoming bored and discontent with this thing I called, "my life".  Thinking that there had to be more to it; more to see, more to do, more to write about.

I was talking to a friend today and I said to him that I probably wouldn't return home (to the States) after my two year commitment ended in Abu Dhabi and he replied, "home is where you live". Wiser words could not have been spoken. All these years I have allowed guilt, fear, other peoples' opinions of me, limitations and so much more to prevent me from moving forward in my destiny. I recalled the time that I sent for a pamphlet to work on a cruise ship, but allowed fear to immobilize me. I also remember living in New York in 2001 and secretly looking for jobs in Paris, while all the while thinking that I had to be crazy! I remember just this past January telling my girlfriend that I was thinking of volunteering abroad during my summer vacation next year. Unbeknownst to many, including myself, the seed was planted a long time ago, but I refused to water it; I guess, I was too afraid that it would blossom into everything I imagined it could be.

I have now released the idea of a husband and children and have begun to realize that life is full of experiences. A husband and children are an experience that many of my friends have, but the ability to pack it all up, move to a different country and decide to do this without having to convince someone else that it's a great decision for "us", is an experience that is uniquely mine. Sure, I would have liked to have shared this experience with a special someone, but that's not my story. My story is simple, I am on a journey to share the best parts of myself with the children and people of the UAE, only to return to the states to share new parts of myself with my family, friends and students.

I once heard someone say, "would you rather have experiences or things"? If you asked me at some other time in my life, my answer would have been,"things", but over time, I have realized that experiences last longer than shoes from Macys or a new hair cut from Aveda or even a pricey pair of jeans. Experiences are the threads that help build the tapestry of a life. Therefore, I don't choose to dwell on the things I don't have, but I look forward to the opportunities that lie ahead of me, while being ever so grateful for those that are behind me.