Free

Living here in Abu Dhabi, I embrace the fact that as an American, I am truly free; free to love who I want, when I want and how I want.  Free to decide if he who stands before me is right for me or even "in it" for me.  Sure Americans can make love hard; high divorce rates, single unwed mothers and millions of "never-been-married with no children" men and women like myself, but at the end of the day, to love or not to love is all up to us.  How will you choose?  Today, I choose to love who's loving me.

~I found God in myself and I loved her.  I loved her fiercely.

from the staged play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf

by Ntozake Shange

Until next time...Peace & Blessings,

Terre

You're Worth It!

Last week noted one of the many religious celebrations of the Muslim world; Eid Al-Adha is a holiday marking the end of the Hajj, the annual Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca which is one of the greatest religious observances in Islam.  In recognition, the entire UAE took off for nearly a week; no school, no government work, no, "business as usual".  I was so looking forward to this break, because I had planned to visit some part of Africa; Kenya or Cairo being at the top of my list.  Instead, at the last minute, a group of us decided to go to Amsterdam.  It was a world away from the rigid and imposing way of life we'd been faced with in the UAE.

However, my post really isn't about the holiday or what we did to celebrate, but it's about a cause for concern that continued to arise leading up to our decision to travel.  While we were planning to leave and travel to other countries or deciding what to do in general, there were so many conversations about money; the lack of money, the saving of money, the overall issue of money and while many of us are here for money, whether we care to admit it or not, the truth is, at the end of the day, you can't take it with you.


Some of us are making more than we've ever made, able to save three to four times more than we would in the states and yet, we still are worried about money.  I have begun to see, even for myself, that money is a mentality and whatever your mentality is around it, you will carry that with you, whether you have money or you don't.  It's especially evident when you grow up poor, as I did.  You develop a relationship around money that is influenced by fear and lack.  Both of which, are unhealthy.


Many of my colleagues, made the argument that they weren't traveling because they were here to save money and while that is respectable, it can also be limiting.  Here's the bottom line.  Three LT's (licensed teachers) were in serious car accidents, in which I believe, one had to return back to the states.  It is rumored that two others were killed in car accidents last month.  Although, that has not been confirmed and while that is only the story here in the UAE, in my close circle this year, I have lost two uncles, a student and a friend of a friend.


It is my assessment that life is way to short not to enjoy it, even if that means spending a little money, while saving a little.  My uncles were in their 50's.  My friend was in his late twenties and my student was 14 and last week he was accidentally shot and killed by his 10 year old brother.  My point is simple, life is not guaranteed and besides that, living in the US makes it difficult and definitely impossible to get the time off to take long flights to places like Europe and Africa for the price you'd pay for a top of the line handbag and the time it would take you to do a road trip from Chicago to Cleveland.  My question is, if not now, then when?


The two reasons why I took the job involved money and travel.  Sure, I plan to save and invest some money, but I also plan to do what I wouldn't easily be able to do, living and working in the states.  So many people, will save tens of thousands of dollars here and they could very well return home and have to live off of the same money they took years to save, because they can't find a job.  Will they have anything else to show for the amount of time they spent overseas?  Will they have seen or done anything new?  Probably not.


You could very well be here and gone tomorrow, so why not do more than go to work, come home and pay off bills.  As I saw in Amsterdam, there is so much more to life.  What I loved most is that the people in Amsterdam seemed to consume small, but live large.  They had small cars and small flats. They rode bikes everywhere.  It was nothing to see a 60 or 70 year old man or woman riding their bike on the road.  
It was nothing to see a woman decked out in the latest fashions; fly and sassy, peddling a 3 speed, but it wasn't about their cars or the lack of; it was about looking fabulous and living fabulous!  Theaters, museums, biking, eating, walking and just enjoying the sweet nothings of everyday life seemed to be their mission.  Secretly, I was a bit envious.


However, had I not gone, I would never have had a chance to walk through the home of Anne Frank and her family; the house that they took shelter in before they were discovered, captured and taken to the Concentration Camps in Germany.  I would have never seen the original works of Van Gogh and had a chance to hear his story through his work and his journals.  These were unmeasurable experiences that even money couldn't buy and they touched me in ways that may not manifest in my life until years to come.


For me, it's not just about the money, it's about how I use the money to become a more knowledgeable person, a well-rounded person and an overall better human being.  Sure the bills are being paid off, but I'm enjoying my money as well.  I hate to say it, but before I left, I was considering purchasing a used luxury car, but upon my return I decided that I'd purchase a small used car.  Nothing fancy, just something to get around in.  I'd much rather use my money to travel, eat great food, purchase fine art and see how people are doing it in their neck of the woods.  Sure I spent more money than I planned, but as my new friend and colleague Martha said to me, " you're worth it" and I guess if I'm worth it, then so are you.


Until next time...


Peace and blessings,


Terre

Amsterdam, November 16, 2010

No Strings Attached

Do you ever find yourself cruising through life on auto-pilot; making decisions and creating circumstances for yourself, but never really taking the time to reflect on the reasons, the motivation or the aftermath of such actions?  Most people journey through life oblivious of the fact that they keep making the same destructive decisions over and over again; oblivious to the fact that the reason why nothing in their life ever changes, is because they are not willing to change and thus, their lives become a vicious cycle of insanity, which is basically, doing the same thing, but expecting a different result.

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a friend.  She was telling me about a gentleman she knows, who's been married a few times and how each time his marriages failed, because as she put it, "he never does anything free and clear."  I was puzzled at first and I thought, 'free and clear'?  What could that mean?  She went on to explain to me that there was always a catch.  For instance, he married one woman because she was pregnant, he married another because of the financial security she provided.  This man had never had a relationship where there were no strings attached; where he chose based on his own free will to love and marry someone, just because.  I thought, how empowering it is for someone to come to that realization, if only, he had been the one to come to that realization. 

Can you imagine, how drastically your life could change if you were able to see that ultimately, there's a barrier which prevents you from making decisions based on your own free will and that if you wanted, you could change your life, just by changing how you made decisions.  This was indeed, powerful information, but the problem was, this was her observation of him and not his own observation of himself.  Therefore, his life would probably never change, because he's on auto-pilot, moving swiftly through life, like so many of us, never taking the time to just process the why, behind the choice, but instead, allowing the choice, to have dominion over him, instead of him having dominion over it.

I thought about my decisions and my own relationships and I must admit, there were a few strings attached, a time or two.  There were times when unbeknownst to me, I chose people or circumstances based on a multitude of things that were not in alignment with my truest desires and wouldn't you know, they never worked out!

There are studies to suggest that women think more than men; that we over analyze everything, as I have been accused of doing in the past.  However, consider this for a moment.  Consider yourself a Fortune 500 company.  Every Fortune 500 has regular meetings and check-ins to see what's working, what's not and how to tweak it to maximize the company's output.  Aren't you worthy of a few check-ins?  Besides, if you're not getting better in life, you're just getting older; nothing's changing, no growth is taking place. You're simply existing.  

Why not do more than just exist?  Challenge yourself to be better than you were yesterday and I guarantee, tomorrow will seem like a breeze.  Make one major decision with no strings attached and relish in the results.  You just might find that your relationships improve, you take more risk and you ultimately enjoy life in a way that you've never experienced it before.  

I won't deny, it can sometimes be easier to make a decision when strings are attached, to say to yourself, "I guess I'll marry him because I'm running out of options", but easy isn't always best.  Albeit, there are strings attached to some things and there's nothing we can do about it; it just is what it is.  However, when given the opportunity, why not cut the strings and experience being truly happy for a change?  Make the decision because it's what you want; nothing more, nothing less.  You're worth it.  Aren't you?