The Problem With Religion

Now that I have your attention, I want to share with you what I believe to be the problem with religion.    This is not to condemn one group or another.  It is simply to point out the hypocrisy that exist, as  I see it; to shed some light on what I have been experiencing in this Islamic country over the past four months and what I know for sure about Christianity, having been born into, guilted by it and saved literally and figuratively, all in the same breath.  Looking at Christianity and Islam as a basis for this conversation is what I plan to do.  It is not a means to totally demarcate them, because they are more alike, I have found, than they are different.  I hope only to awaken some, to stir up others and to challenge my own ignorance and hypocrisy, along with that of my readers.

For me, I was indoctrinated into Christianity before I could say "mama".  My grandparents were Christians, their parents were Christians, my parents are Christian and all 60 plus of my cousins and extended family are Christian.  Except for maybe, one cousin who converted to Islam when he was in prison.  The truth is, if I have children, I will probably raise them to be Christian.  Not because I believe that it's the best religion on the planet, but because I am ignorant about other religions and Christianity is all I know and therein lies the first problem with religion.  We don't know a thing about the religion of others, yet we condemn them to know end, believing that if we are "right" as we think we are, then everyone else must be wrong.  We don't educate ourselves about the beliefs of others.  Perhaps, we're too afraid that through osmosis, their beliefs will rub off on us.  Or, perhaps too afraid of what we might discover.

The second problem with religion, as I have witnessed here in this Islamic country as well as in my predominantly Christian country, is that far too often, we hide behind religion, instead of standing behind it. What I mean is that we use religion to justify our foul behavior, our mistreatment of others and our intolerance of the world.  Christians believe that they are right and that Muslims are wrong and Muslims believe just the opposite and to that end, we will treat someone poorly based on their views, when we should be leaving the judging to our Creator.

However, here is where I have to agree with the Muslims.  In Islam, they do not date.  They do not believe in sex before marriage and for the most part, I believe that they firmly stand behind that.  The Arabic teachers at my school where I teach, talk to me about their virginity and about the repercussions of having sex before marriage.  They tell me that if a man finds out that they have been with another, they will be out casted; unable to marry and in their eyes, marriage, children and family is one which in which they serve their God.  Here in the UAE, you rarely meet unmarried Muslim women over 30.  Marriage and family is a duty to them.

Now, I'm not agreeing wholeheartedly with this and this goes back to my earlier statement about the guilt that I experienced in Christianity as a confused child growing up.  I was taught to believe that all of my thoughts pertaining to sex were wrong and that I was going to hell if I looked at a boy!  Now, I will admit that I grew up with one foot in the church and one foot out, but nonetheless, I knew other devout Christians who grappled with what it meant to be single in the Christian religion and there are still more women than man in the faith who are unwed, because they're waiting on the "right" Christian man to come along.

Invariably, I have learned that in Islam, they realize that there is lust, wants and desires and so, instead of tempting the flesh, they marry quickly and they typically marry much younger than us Christians.  One problem is that with youth, can come immaturity, but with age can come stubbornness and as we too often see, "baggage".  I know countless unmarried Christian men and women who go to church every Sunday; know every bible verse; contribute tithes and offerings on a weekly basis, but they are still grappling with sex and often times sexuality.  There is indeed a missing link between what we know in Christianity to be true about sex and marriage and what we tend to practice.  

I don't believe that the Muslims are perfect in this regard by no means, but, they seem to have a system in place for how they do what they do.  My question is, where is ours?  And, why are we struggling so ferociously with marriage and intimacy in the "Christian" religion?  I realize that maybe, I am only speaking to Americans and this may or may not apply to Christians in other countries, but all I am saying is that it wouldn't hurt to take a few cues from Islam on this one.  People judge Muslim's way of marrying, but what are we doing that's so much better?  In the African-American community, we have one of the highest rates of single parent households and black women are listed as the least likely to get married of all the people on the planet!

Lastly, I have seen Muslims and Christians alike, treat people like dirt, based on their material possessions.  If you're not Emirate, meaning rich and "affluent" then you're nothing, but it's not just he Emirates, the Egyptians have also shown me parts on them I would have never thought existed.  As well, in the UAE, I have been told of Emirate Muslims who beat their maids to  "break them in" and let them know who's boss.  I have nearly been run off the road by Emirate people driving like maniacs and upset that I won't move to the next lane when they're doing 90 and flashing their head lights on me to get over.  I have seen Muslim people abuse and batter their children in public, because their are no child abuse laws and I have watched Muslim men partake in alcohol and prostitution in a country that would stick me under the jail if I did the same.

There is hypocrisy everywhere and no, Muslims are not perfect, but neither are Christians.  However, hopefully, one day we will all start to realize how we are more alike than we are different.  Perhaps, that's the idealist in me and God knows I am working daily to understand my Arab sisters and brothers, whose faults often times override all of the so called "religion" I was told they had, upon coming to this country.  I am working hard not to judge them so harshly and to recognize that the same imperfect blood that runs through my veins, also runs through theirs.  Neither of us are perfect.  In fact, we're perfectly, imperfect.

"There's so much good in the worst of us 

And so much bad in the best of us 

That it ill behooves all of us 

To find anything wrong with the rest of us."

-author unknown 

Until Next Time...

Peace and Blessings,

Terre

Free

Living here in Abu Dhabi, I embrace the fact that as an American, I am truly free; free to love who I want, when I want and how I want.  Free to decide if he who stands before me is right for me or even "in it" for me.  Sure Americans can make love hard; high divorce rates, single unwed mothers and millions of "never-been-married with no children" men and women like myself, but at the end of the day, to love or not to love is all up to us.  How will you choose?  Today, I choose to love who's loving me.

~I found God in myself and I loved her.  I loved her fiercely.

from the staged play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf

by Ntozake Shange

Until next time...Peace & Blessings,

Terre

You're Worth It!

Last week noted one of the many religious celebrations of the Muslim world; Eid Al-Adha is a holiday marking the end of the Hajj, the annual Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca which is one of the greatest religious observances in Islam.  In recognition, the entire UAE took off for nearly a week; no school, no government work, no, "business as usual".  I was so looking forward to this break, because I had planned to visit some part of Africa; Kenya or Cairo being at the top of my list.  Instead, at the last minute, a group of us decided to go to Amsterdam.  It was a world away from the rigid and imposing way of life we'd been faced with in the UAE.

However, my post really isn't about the holiday or what we did to celebrate, but it's about a cause for concern that continued to arise leading up to our decision to travel.  While we were planning to leave and travel to other countries or deciding what to do in general, there were so many conversations about money; the lack of money, the saving of money, the overall issue of money and while many of us are here for money, whether we care to admit it or not, the truth is, at the end of the day, you can't take it with you.


Some of us are making more than we've ever made, able to save three to four times more than we would in the states and yet, we still are worried about money.  I have begun to see, even for myself, that money is a mentality and whatever your mentality is around it, you will carry that with you, whether you have money or you don't.  It's especially evident when you grow up poor, as I did.  You develop a relationship around money that is influenced by fear and lack.  Both of which, are unhealthy.


Many of my colleagues, made the argument that they weren't traveling because they were here to save money and while that is respectable, it can also be limiting.  Here's the bottom line.  Three LT's (licensed teachers) were in serious car accidents, in which I believe, one had to return back to the states.  It is rumored that two others were killed in car accidents last month.  Although, that has not been confirmed and while that is only the story here in the UAE, in my close circle this year, I have lost two uncles, a student and a friend of a friend.


It is my assessment that life is way to short not to enjoy it, even if that means spending a little money, while saving a little.  My uncles were in their 50's.  My friend was in his late twenties and my student was 14 and last week he was accidentally shot and killed by his 10 year old brother.  My point is simple, life is not guaranteed and besides that, living in the US makes it difficult and definitely impossible to get the time off to take long flights to places like Europe and Africa for the price you'd pay for a top of the line handbag and the time it would take you to do a road trip from Chicago to Cleveland.  My question is, if not now, then when?


The two reasons why I took the job involved money and travel.  Sure, I plan to save and invest some money, but I also plan to do what I wouldn't easily be able to do, living and working in the states.  So many people, will save tens of thousands of dollars here and they could very well return home and have to live off of the same money they took years to save, because they can't find a job.  Will they have anything else to show for the amount of time they spent overseas?  Will they have seen or done anything new?  Probably not.


You could very well be here and gone tomorrow, so why not do more than go to work, come home and pay off bills.  As I saw in Amsterdam, there is so much more to life.  What I loved most is that the people in Amsterdam seemed to consume small, but live large.  They had small cars and small flats. They rode bikes everywhere.  It was nothing to see a 60 or 70 year old man or woman riding their bike on the road.  
It was nothing to see a woman decked out in the latest fashions; fly and sassy, peddling a 3 speed, but it wasn't about their cars or the lack of; it was about looking fabulous and living fabulous!  Theaters, museums, biking, eating, walking and just enjoying the sweet nothings of everyday life seemed to be their mission.  Secretly, I was a bit envious.


However, had I not gone, I would never have had a chance to walk through the home of Anne Frank and her family; the house that they took shelter in before they were discovered, captured and taken to the Concentration Camps in Germany.  I would have never seen the original works of Van Gogh and had a chance to hear his story through his work and his journals.  These were unmeasurable experiences that even money couldn't buy and they touched me in ways that may not manifest in my life until years to come.


For me, it's not just about the money, it's about how I use the money to become a more knowledgeable person, a well-rounded person and an overall better human being.  Sure the bills are being paid off, but I'm enjoying my money as well.  I hate to say it, but before I left, I was considering purchasing a used luxury car, but upon my return I decided that I'd purchase a small used car.  Nothing fancy, just something to get around in.  I'd much rather use my money to travel, eat great food, purchase fine art and see how people are doing it in their neck of the woods.  Sure I spent more money than I planned, but as my new friend and colleague Martha said to me, " you're worth it" and I guess if I'm worth it, then so are you.


Until next time...


Peace and blessings,


Terre

Amsterdam, November 16, 2010